Resolve

It is January 3rd. It's cold outside, way cold outside. I go back to work tomorrow after almost three weeks off. On the eve of that particular action, I thought I'd respond to the call that the Lovely Lisa Stone put out on BlogHer (with backup from Denise, the anti-resolution lady) for what kinds of things we were resolving for this shiny brand new year. I'm saving her list for the end though, because it's quite detailed and needed more thought than I thought!

I should note that I didn't intend to write the mother of all new year's blogs before I stumbled across the suggestions from these ladies. But the more I read on the BlogHer site and on the personal blogs of women I admire from there all year long, I got more jazzed about the whole thing. I'm in a good mood about looking back and looking forward, while trying hard to stay grounded in this moment, which is my hugest challenge (right now? My feet are cold, I just watched the great Letterman return with Robin Williams, and I'm ALMOST done with photo uploading. That's as grounded as I get around here.)

And since I've been reading all of these posts on BlogHer, I've been thinking about whether resolutions are necessary at all, especially if it matters if they happen now or in April. In general resolutions can seem like an invitation to fail. You know, tell yourself you're gonna lose 50 pounds and by the 3rd when your little sister makes homemade mac 'n cheese (with GRUYERE!) after you come back from dinner (AFTER!) things can maybe get a little shaky. Like when I quit smoking, for the final time, like seven years ago or whenever it was, it wasn't in January. It was on a day when my body, mind and soul together were sick of cigarettes and wanted to live a life that didn't include them.  I think one January I resolved not to swear, which is a total joke if you know me at all.

I don't think there's any harm though in looking back at what the previous year hath wrought (see below for that one) and looking ahead to how the new one can be better, or more of the same, or at the very least something pretty good (also see below.)  I don't think there's anything wrong with living with intention, honestly. I'm as flexible as people tend to come but if you have some idea of at least why you're going after certain things, maybe the hows and with whoms and whens can make a little more sense. Maybe.

This year I'm going to be on the move, I can feel it. As Maria wrote here, a guiding word or two or three can help to keep you on the right path. I've been thinking about what mine would be since I read her post. The beautiful Christine Kane writes about this word-choosing practice here. I keep coming back to "Create", with "Spirit" as the second.

I want to create good things this year. I want to create order, in my heart, in my world, in my bank account. I want to create a better, healthier self by getting my butt in motion and eating better. I want to create more peace in my heart and in my life by spending time with people who help me achieve this for myself and for them. I want to create more community where I'm meant to be and where I can find it. I want to create a new career. I want to create happiness, fun and laughter. I want to create better relationships. I want to create a space for myself to write and work with my pictures. 

I'm including "spirit" because I need to learn to tend to mine better. I don't read anything motivational or participate in any kind of meaningful ritual these days. I have no interest in organized religion at this point but maybe I need something structured. I read this article about Buddhists on New Year's Day and it just sounded beautiful, the things they believe and how they honor the passage of time. I felt a distinct lack of connection inside myself to anything of this sort when I read it, and I knew it meant I was lacking. I never really found true spiritual connection in the Catholic church. I don't know if this means I need to go to yoga or meditate or what, but it's one of those things that you don't realize is lacking until you find yourself wound really tight. Maybe it's just a lack of faith I feel, I don't know, or the result of years of talking myself out of love and denying feelings that have actually always been quite strong, I just didn't think they were acceptable. I don't know. I'm trying to strike a balance between being a total TMI head case and accepting quietly within myself what I can't change and moving forward. All I know is, spirit needs to be a part of this year. It needs to be a more gentle year on that level.

And on that note, I'll fill out this list that Lisa suggested. It's helpful. I'm going to put it on paper, too, as she suggested, writing it with my new set of 20 SHARPIE MARKERS (love my new markers!) and put it in my new planner. And then hopefully actually USE my new planner and not lose it and find it in July in my card smashed underneath 12 Diet Coke cans. Because this is NOT useful behavior for the '08. In fact, that should get its own category, which I may indeed add at the end. Here goes. 

Heart and Home - Try to stay open. Relax into and be happy with the fragile peace I've finally gotten. Take care of myself and don't worry so much about when "he" will arrive, because it's never gotten me anywhere but totally freaked out. Focus on my friends, because in that area I'm definitely really lucky. Get to know my new roommates and enjoy being in my new space. 

Family - Visit my grandmother more, and continue videotaping our chats. Try to send more cards and make more phone calls, especially cards. Help my parents get the basement cleaned out. Visit my sister's place in California.

Spirit - Try to be as kind as I can be, and not cranky. Cultivate some faith that's been lacking. Be grateful and give when I can. Try to volunteer, but I don't know where yet because I'm not sure what will fit my schedule as crazy as it is. Tell good stories about cool things - put some spirit in my writing, because I'm doing so much of it by necessity that it's nice if it serves some kind of purpose.   

Wallet - This is a huge area for me right now. I want to get my credit card debt down and my car paid off. I also need to handle the final semester of school and make sure that whatever path I'm on with my academic program is financially viable. This is what's keeping me awake at night currently.

Health - Try to prioritize sleep. It's so important for me. Make sure I stay current on medical and dental appointments, because I suck at this outright. Take medicine consistently. Do some exercise on a regular basis. Include some kind of supportive meditation or yoga in all this mess because  I'm no good without it. Ingest mostly water and bag the soda. Minimize alcohol intake. Breathe.

Create - I am going to begin printing my photos and trying to find a way to sell them, maybe on Etsy. Get back into Photoshop again. My sister bought me a huge cross-stitch pattern for my birthday with all the materials so try to do this by the end of the year. Redesign site(s) and get really good at video, audio and web stuff in my spring multimedia class projects so I can go out on my own by the summer.

Work - Have a really successful semester at school, do a good job at the bureau in the fall and build freelance work up to the point that it's a regular source of income and not just mad money. Cause I need my mad money to BE my money now.  Get my office organized at work and at home so I'm more productive.

Write - Write every day for personal expression as well as academic requirements. Pitch magazine pieces and don't just rely on local papers for class clips. That said, go BEYOND class clips to really write some interesting things. Also, make sure that the trip to Vietnam serves its purpose by publishing every day to the Web when I'm there and seeking out all opportunities to pursue the stories we're assigned. Write a separate article for the Carnegie seminar class to build up portfolio. Rework blogs - add and subtract as necessary.

Odds and Ends: Travel wherever and whenever I can. Take ten minutes every day to center myself and calm down. Approach problems directly whenever possible. And do not, not, not allow new Sharpie-markered planner to get lost under a pile of 12 Diet Coke cans in the back seat of my car. Oh, and also: smile more.

Sound like a plan? 

And finally, the Mayfly Project, a summation of the just-departed year in 24 words. 

Change, progress and letting go: journalism school, teaching, Katie moved, three houses, Grandmommy died. Thousands of words. Pictures and music. Finally moving on.

Happy new year, y'all.   I think it's going to be a good one. Thanks for checking in and sticking around to those who do. I really am just a sort of ordinary person with a lot of stuff on her mind, and if I didn't put it here, God knows what I'd do. It's an archive and a planner, a diary and a conversation. I expect it to take me as far down the road as I need it to, certainly at least through this year. May yours be happy and productive - may it be everything you need it to be.

Comments

[Jerry]

Happy New Year.
It will be a great year for you.

[Zandria]

I think those sounds like great resolutions, Laurie! And no, they don't have to start on January 1st...but it's as good a time as any, right? :)

[littlepurplecow]

Now THIS sounds like a plan, girl! I can't deal with the Mac stickies either, but the idea of them is so nice. Looking forward to seeing your words and photos from Vietnam. Happy New Year!